A few months ago, before all the SoCal rains, I was surfing with some friends at a particularly crowded break in Santa Monica. Lurking out in the water with us was a most dangerous creature, Kookus Jackassus. More commonly known as The Kook, the creature struck us in terror. Dropping in on surfers, crashing into people, and allowing his board to get away from his control. He had to be stopped.

Some surfers tried coaching The Kook. They could be heard saying, "What you just did was very dangerous. You should keep control of your board it narrowly missed that person." Ah, but the Kook is a very stubborn breed and the very next wave repeats his mistakes.

Others tried shouting and intimidation, "Faggot! Get out of here Barney! You Suck!" But the Kook was undeterred, happily endangering the surfers.

Still others tried threat, "If you are ever on the same wave as me I'm going for blood! I will run you over with my fins! I will hurt you!" But the Kook does not comprehend the damage a surfboard can do. Perhaps never having felt the sting of a skeg against skin.

Then, when all hope was lost, the Kook was overheard saying, "I'm not to fond of this crowd."
Without missing a beat, as if my lips were driven by divine forces, I shouted, "The crowd's not to fond of you."

Uproarious laughter broke out from the crowd.

After this exchange The Kook looked hurt and bewildered. He recoiled from the water, retiring to the safety of his Corvette. Could chiamus be the undoing of the common Kook? Perhaps.

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