Chimp's Chump

I was reading Joel's blog ( I think he is the guy who runs Bouts Râmes ) when I came across this poem.

Pan Troglodytes

"Stupid homo!" the chimpanzee rants
at the man strolling by in lavender pants.

I laughed so hard at that I almost pissed myself. Thank you Joel.

Electronic Entertainment Expo

I am getting pumped for E3. Sony is making a huge display for our game. It will have a mural of a war in a Greek square and a giant model of our main character. It should be fun to see how people react to the game. I've worked on games that have shown at E3 before, but never any games with this degree of publicity.

I am also looking forward to the E3 Sony Party. They always are so much fun. Last year George Clinton and the P-Funk were awesome. My highest ranked E3 Sony Party experience is also my one of my favorite girl meeting experiences.

At the 2000 E3 Party I met a most interesting girl. The party, like every year, was held at Los Angeles Center Studios. One of the studio's stages was decorated as a cavernous round tent. 80's arcade style video games lined the outer rim of this tent. They were all free to play. Then in circles concentric with the tent were bartenders and then tables. In the center was a glitter covered, swirl painted dance floor. I was on the dance floor freakin out to some electro funk when she approached.

"I like the way you move!" She said.

Then we started groovin together. We danced so well together it was enthralling. Each of one's moves was complemented by the other's. It was like spooning in motion.

After we danced we started talking. I asked her why she was at a video game conference. She said that she wasn't. She said that earlier in the day she had been filming a video at the Los Angeles Center Studio and was wondering about the party. Her name was Christina she was very beautiful and petite and blonde. She told me that she lived in Orlando. Which I found very interesting because I went to University in Orlando. She offered to buy me a drink and I pointed out that all the drinks were free. I also mentioned that I didn't drink.

Then this guy, who must have been in his late forties, started fiercely interrupting our conversation. Asking why I was so interested in Christina and why was I spending so much time with her. I asked if she knew him. "He's with me, but just ignore him." She replied. So I tried but he started threatening me with violence and hinting that he had friends. So, I wish I hadn't, but I backed down. Just to give him time to cool off. Then they disappeared onto the dance floor never to be seen again, at least by me.

I wonder who she was? I wish I could see her again.


A lot of women think that the main character of game I am working on is hot. Our title is for a mature audience. So at work today I suggested that we ask Playgirl Magazine if they would like to do a pictorial with our main character. It would probably be an interesting new ground for Playgirl. It would totally be an unexpected twist in the video game industry.

I'm not sure if Playgirl would be interested in doing a shoot with a digital, fictitious character. As an alternative, we could do a combo shoot. It would be akin to when Playgirl shot their The Men of Enron Show Us Their Assets pictorial. Maybe some of the guys at our studio would participate for some modeling compensation, A Video Game Hunk And His Arcade Creators On Joystick Technique. I would totally do that, I'm not sure that they would want me, but I would do it.

We could also get some of the other characters from the game. The Centaur would be a good choice, by definition he's hung like a horse.


The dog party was actually 12 - 3. So I got there at the end. The woman who organized the party, Allison, said that way to many dogs showed up anyway. At one point there were 40 little barkers running around. It must have been insane. Several of us got the impression from the flyer posted last Sunday that it started at three, so I didn't feel too bad. Allison said that the 12-3 slot was too hot so next time it will start at 3.

So, you have to wonder why someone would take the time to organize a small dog party. I mean what would drive someone to put up all the flyers and balloons and make games for all the people to play with their pets. Would they have to be insane? Would the have to be the type of person that you just want to fillet after talking to for 5 minutes, just because they are so annoying? I guess not. Allison seems very nice and the reason she does it? She paints portraits of people's pets. Makes sense doesn't it? Throw a party, get some business. Like a tupperware party.

Carpe Diem

Back in high school Latin class as my final project I built a scale model of a Roman villa. I used poster board and foam. I tiled the roof and put grass and bushes on the lawn. I think I even painted a little mural. I saw the cover of Computer Graphics World this month and was totally reminded of that model. It also made me think that if I were in high school these days, I would have made a computer model of that villa. I possibly would have even made a fly through rendering. I also wouldn't have had to walk to school up hill, both ways.


I have always had a weird opinion of technology. I love it but I hate it. I love thinking of new technologies Memory organizing machines and similar things that don't yet exist. Then I don't really like some of yesterday's future technologies. Some of the technology we have today. I hate microwaves. I don't own a microwave. I am convinced that my mother's microwave gave my sister a tumor when we were kids. I don't know why I think that, but it wasn't her genetics. She has an identical twin who didn't have a tumor. So the cause must have been something environmental.

I also hated cell phones for the longest time. I refused to get a cell phone. Now my opinions on that are starting to flip. I got rid of my home phone and all I have is a cell phone. It's pretty cool. It has voice recognition and plays the theme from the Muppet Show when it rings. I just hope it doesn't give me a tumor.

One of yesterday's future technologies that I really love, the ATM! I remember before my home town's bank got the ATM, when I was a kid. My mom would have to wait in a long bank line to get the cash for the weekend and if she ran out, problems. One drawback, no lollipop dispenser.

Surfin Sunday

Preparations for E3 had us working all day Saturday till 1 in the mornin. Didn't get home till near 2 AM. Then I got up at 7 to surf. Santa Monica did provide just the surf to wake me up. Nice.

I took Dude to the dog park. He had a crush on a black lab 4 times his size. She wasn't into him, but her owner was trying to talk her into it, "Look how cute he is! You're such a snob. It's not like you have lots of offers." There is a small dog party at Josyln Park next Sunday at three. I think I'm gonna take Dude over there to heal his broken heart.

Then I went on a bike ride to the beach. The wind was kicking. Couple guys were out there kite surfing. That is something I really want to try. The thing is, here in the bay, it is a rare day that the wind is good. For me kite surfing would involve lots of driving. And the initial costs are fairly high. Board, harness and kite == money, money, money. Riding down the beach we hit the drum circle. Always interesting at the drum circle.


Dude has hit puberty. He is going crazy. He tore apart one of my couch pillows yesterday while I was at work. He was probably humping it till it tore open. The other night I had a female friend over and he wouldn't leave her alone. Trying to hump her anywhere he could get a hold. Then when we got him to stop he just sat there staring at her with an erection. Creepy, Dude, Creepy.

Yo-Ga! Yo-Ga!

My yoga instructor cancelled my class forever. Forever-ever? I have been going to that class every Monday for four years. She is the best instructor in the world. Now she is pregnant and canned the class. I need to find a new class. Nameste.

Warrior Woman Takes On Cancer

A friend of mine Tanja, Warrior Woman is taking on cancer in the Revlon Run / Walk against women's cancers. You can donate for her on her personal donation page.

Seems I always hear of run / walks for women's cancers. Don't forget my cousin's wife. Never had any friends do a run / walk for the fight against men's cancers. Wonder why?

Flat Tire

I got a flat this morning. I noticed right when I got to the gym. I rolled the window down to get a ticket for the parking lot. When I drove off I heard the dreaded flubba, flubba, flubba sound. When I got done working out I came out and changed my tire to the baby doughnut tire. They must make tires better these days. I had four nails buried in the tread of my tire. Looks like they had been there for a while, the heads were all worn. Those weren't even what did the tire in. The death strike was a nail sticking through the side wall. Looks like new tires for me.

The worst thing I ever got suck in one of my tires was a spark plug. Back when I was in university I somehow embedded a full size spark plug, ceramic side first into my tire. The tire didn't even deflate. I only noticed it cause it made my car jump up and down as I drove. I had to stop 3 times before I found the problem. The guys at the tire shop pulled the spark plug out leaving a gaping hole, but they were able to stuff it with those gummy worm things. That tire lasted quite a while.

Wanted: Doggie Hyperstasis Pod

Went to Huntington for surfing today. Very Nice! Only problem is that the parking meters there only give 10 min per Quarter. I'll have to bring more with me next time. They have a dog beach there which would be really great for Dude. But, what do I do with him while I'm surfing? Bummer.


There are previews of the game that I am working on (God of War) in this month's PSM, Game Informer, and EGM magazines. There are also a bunch of online previews, here is one.


I am addicted to caffeine. Primarily in the form of Vanilla Coke. I had kicked caffeine for a while, then Vanilla Coke came out. I had to try one. I have been addicted since then and I have been building, yesterday I think I had 8 VCs. The free supply of VC is not helping. I was going to drop it today and drink OJ instead but the OJ supply is depleted. That's ok because I don't think I could handle the alien-trying-to-get-out-of-my-head size splitting headache today.

BTW -- today was a really good surf day.

House Hunting Mice

Dog Gone Modern was remade in 1948 and called House Hunting Mice. It doesn't matter because it is not the cartoon I was talking about. I bought a copy of Daffy Duck and Company for 57 cents ($3.00 shipping) off of Amazon. House Hunting Mice is one of the cartoons on that video collection. I got it today and was very disappointed when I saw that it was nothing like the video that I remember. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll figure out what cartoon the one that I'm thinking of is called. It had a narrator explaining all the devices and there was a radish burping machine.

Bouts Râmes

Two fat colonels at the bar
chat about the bomb's great plume
Tearfully I play on my guitar
and hear their tale of a toxic fume

Their sense of humor, it was ripe
Murder, death, kill must be their credo
As they laugh and eat their tripe
I hope they swallow a shit torpedo.

For Bout 1

Inverse Weight Watchers

The quest for weight started because I wanted to be heavier so that I could duck dive my surfboard more effectively. Last year I started a training program to gain muscle mass. I started the quest at 135 lbs with a goal set at 160 lbs. By November I was up to 148 lbs. Then a major setback happened I lost 10 lbs over Christmas because I went snowboarding in Steamboat, Colorado. Five straight days of snowboarding. It was great. 18 inches of new powder. But I was set back to 138 lbs. Most of the loss was fat. My body fat went from 8% to near 4%. Actually, I think I got ill because of the low fat.

Finally, I have gained the weight back. Today for the first time ever in my life I was able to move the lower level of weights on the scale to the third notch. 150 lbs. Woo hooo! I have to thank Joey Bullock, my trainer for all the help in getting to 150. Only 10 more lbs left till the goal.

Number 5 is Alive

A friend of mine was telling me about The Stupid Fun Club. It is a company that is part owned by Will Wright (the guy responsible for The Sims.) This company just makes whacky robots. Then they use the robots in human behavior studies.

One of their studies went down like this: They setup a robot on the street. The robot is laying on his side and looks damaged. Anytime a person walks by the robot twitches and says in a robotic voice, "Please help, need human interaction." I would love to see those tapes. I heard they had all kinds of reactions from, "Yeah right! Where is the hidden camera?" to, "Oh sentient robot, ok how can I help you?" They had people disassemble the robot and steal parts. Some people would wish the robot good luck and tell him to hang in there. A lot of people would just run away.

I think that the Stupid Fun Club website is a human behavior study as well. It is so cryptic. The first page is sort of a puzzle where if you get each of the big spheres to be red, green or yellow (leaving no blue spheres) then an alien head pops up. Each of the big spheres leads to a "story maker" web page. This page is even more cryptic. I guess you have a limited alphabet here with which you can construct a "story." So far I have chronicled man loves goat and dead babies dance with the robot.

All Work and Much Play

Working like mad! We got a demo for PSM this weekend.